Civilization Revolutions

2008-12-07 21:54:08

Civilization: Revolution: First Impressions (Xbox360)

I play a lot of games, that much should be obvious by the piled on high steamy masses you see to the left. One game series that I have enjoyed since I originally discovered it with the sequel to the original, is Civilization. I love Civilization, I could get swept up playing a round of Civilization 4 all day long if I set it to marathon and I'd be just as bad as a poop-socking WoW Junky. So when I heard they were porting a new game to the Consoles called Civilization Revolutions, I decided wow, I've got to try this, I believe this is the first Civ game for non-PC since Civilization 1. Recently a demo of the title was released on Xbox Marketplace and since it was already in my Gamefly Q, I thought I'd download and prepare myself for the wonderful world of Civ on my 1080p HDTV. What I found was disappointing. Brace yourselves for impact boys here it comes.

A trend I have been noticing in the "God Game" department has been what the industry might call "making games more accessible." What I like to call this is making the game tailored strictly to the lowest denominator. Do you know what other division of product is also heavily focused on making themselves more accessible? Archetecture, you know, Houses and Office Buildings. So if making a house more accessible means making it accessible to the physically handicapped, then one can easily say that lately people have been tailoring games for the Mentally Handicapped. First game to spark this trend visually was SimCity Societies. Simcity, one of the Maxis Games in the Sim arena, was a hard game, with many complex things to monitor and control and micromanage, Gone is all that complicated stuff in SimCity Societies, where building things is simplified to it's most basic point, you no longer have to worry about much of the micromanaging that existed in previous sim games.

In Civilization Revolution the controls are simplified, which is important since we're going from 101 keys to only 8 plus a D pad and some clickable analog sticks. But the interface is cartoony at best, gone is the seriousness of the title when Barbarians appear on the screen like Blackfaced Aborigines challenging your manhood, only to weep like children when you best them in combat.

Structures in cities apprear as miniature versions of themselves characatured onto the city plot, while your characters are gigantic fisher price monstrocities on the screen. Even worse off is when you form an army and instead of giving you a stack, it gives you a full visual representation of your whole army taking up a large chunk of screen real estate. .

Worse is when an advisor shows up to ask what you want to tech next or build next at a city, they blot out the entire lower left corner of the screen with their clumsy crappy animation, and there doesn't appear to be any build order queuing that you would normally see in Civ games..

Since this is a demo I didn't get much to chew on, but I did almost gag on what I was fed. The game feels almost demeaning to console gamers, Teasing us with clunky eye candy and bright lights and flashes. We are not 2 years old, not all of us are completely fucking retarded. You don't need to turn Civ into a Fisher Price rendition of itself to get console gamers to consider it. Hell with all the usually focus on reality you'd think that to attract more players you'd want to include more realism and less cartoony bullshit.

Needless to say upon finishing with the demo, I deleted it promptly and ripped it off of my gamefly GameQ. Good riddance to games gone retarded. I'd only recommend this one to someones mentally handicapped brother, or a girlfriend with more mass in her breasts than in her head..

Reason Rank
Start 10
Fisher Price style "art" direction -5
no ability to queue city production -1
No micromanagement needed mouthbreather accessible -2
Civ on a Console




The game ends up making a 3/10 so while not the worst I've ever played(read Tenchu:Z ) it certainly could do the Civilization series better justice and have at least a little faith that nerdy basement PC dwelling nerds aren't the only intelligent members of society.