Two Worlds

2008-12-07 21:54:08

Two Worlds: One Cup(Xbox360)

Two worlds, where to begin. Before I even touched this game I had heard bad things about it, like the release edition requiring a 1 gig patch in order to clean up some of the very inherent issues in the game. The version I played didn't seem initially as caustic as I had been lead to believe. But that doesn't mean this game isn't shit, just means in relation to the other games I've played, this game is CREEPER SHIT. Sneaking up on you like a ninja to plop chocolate rain all over your face and hands. This game is pure shit in a genre known for making shit rather frequent. So this game is the special person at the special olympics that nobody roots for.

The game starts you off with a cinematic using in game assets of you and your sister running away on horseback, she tells you she needs rest and to make camp, you warn against it but do it anyway, next thing you know your sisters kidnapped. Guess you should've listened to yourself there protagonist, we wouldn't be in this damn mess. After that you go through a tutorial session where you smash up some Groms, which are apparently like the retarded half-cousins of Orcs, after learning the interface it's off to the races. So far so good.

The game really starts to shit all over itself for public amusement as soon as you start entering into dialogue with locals. With more Prays than a catholic church, more hence and forsooth than any piece of old English writing. This game tries very hard to present an old world appeal. The game world feels as large as Oblivion and not nearly as bland and samey all over. However anytime you talk it is obvious your character is Megacock, the most arrogant asshole of the century. The best example is when talking to a guard in the mining area for the new lords of thalmont the guard will try to stutter out a word and fail using a synonym, quick cut to your character who then says that it is also the same word the guard was trying to use, clearly to tell the guard how much of a bitch he is cause he isn't able to speak like your manly ass.Also when your character talks his head bobbles off to the side jaw hinging back and forth with no emotive changes at all, his eyes are as dead as coals, and the NPC's aren't much better. Oblivion NPC's were better laid out, and that is saying a lot about how terrible these NPC's were..

The game uses a combination Strength and Slot inventory system. Which is kind of strange as when you first start out you can carry a million items as they are all very small and anytime you are stopped from picking something up it's because you are overweight. But towards the end of the game when your strength is buffed, your stats up high, you then hit another limit where you just can't carry anymore even when it tells you you have plenty of strength to do so, nope, you just don't have enough slots now. This makes the whole inventory system feel a tad bit contrived. .

The Alchemy system works much like Oblivion in that you collect random chunks of things throughout the game and can mix them up to make potions, Bonus is that there is no recipe list, no skill level restrictions other than the quality of the finished product. The bad part is this section was definitely designed with PC's in mind as you have to type a name for every potion you make, and doing this with the 360 controller is downright tedious, I can't tell you how many "New Potion" recipes I had, not to mention the fact that I never EVER reused any of the recipes as I spent more time experimenting on my own. Sadly this also came with the consequence that when I mixed seemingly healing or defense related components I would invariably get a +x% Y Damage. Which is a weapon mod, or sometimes I'd get traps. Nothing in the ingredients themselves mention that they can provide these other recipe mods, so how do I know what components make up a good trap or a good damager? I don't unless I shell out for a shitty strat guide or take a trip to gamefaqs to get more details.

The game features similar features to Oblivion in many ways, Alchemy, factioning, and horseback riding. Two Worlds takes it one step further with the availability of horseback combat, sadly however my Horse was too busy getting stuck on terrain for me to navigate with it usefully 90% of the time, drove like a old Ford Pinto that has never had an alignment performed on it as it waggles all over the trails, and when it comes down to precision movements needed to fight on horseback the horse utterly fails to meet the task. Whats worse is that Two Worlds uses a fast travel system in the form of transporters. Only problem is that Horses can't take the transporter, so it's either one or the other. Given how absolutely fucked up the epileptic ponies of this game world were I opted to take the transporters as much as possible. Using horses only when I wanted to ride at a near breakneck pace only to have to stop 1 minute later to dismount and fight off some more monsters and bandits before riding off again for another minute before repeating..

Needless to say there's seldom nothing to do in game, except that things stay dead once they're dead, so if you backtrack at all which in some cases you may need to you may be disappointed. Thankfully unlike Oblivion the game does not scale difficulty to your character level, and the learning curve is relatively easy. Most giant boss battles involve performing a 3 hit strike then hitting B to back up 2 steps to get away from the massively telegraphed blow from your opponent. Seriously every monster in the game looks like they work for Western Union they telegraph so much. This almost removes all challenge, unless you get swarmed. Adding to the no challenge feel is that there does not appear to be any XP penalty for dying, no durability points on weapons, and health shrines are plentiful enough usually that you can just run up against one and fight the swarm until you die, rez, kill again until you win. Then you rob the corpses blind and your gear just improved majorly. The game is very Gear over Stats oriented in that the best gear will make the game overly easy, and no matter what stats you have if your gear is inferior you will suffer by it. Making Lockpicking a must to get the best gear.

Lockpicking and stealing is a lot like Oblivion and somewhat like Diablo II, as the materials inside the chests are often randomized and the better the lock the better the random loot table within, once you realize that you start spamming all your points into lockpick, and then you are an overlord capable of taking the whole game, that is, until the inevitable happens. After playing for a solid 2 hour session without saving the game just up and froze on me for no good reason. This wasn't a seldom had occurance, this was a frequent occurence in the game. Things I had done previously with no problem would suddenly cause the game to lag up, trip over itself or just flat out lock the whole console(guide button did nothing) and I would have to shut off. After too many occurances of that in a night I slid the game back into the gamefly sleeve and punted it back to the internet where it may be shit on for all time. The game is innovative in it's rich game world with plenty of terrain and variety, with great quests wiht even some decent story work, poor delivery on the part of voice acting, crash bugs, shitty horse pathing and performance are all death knells in the game. If you want a game that plays like Oblivion simplified and 3rd person, and crashes every hour of gameplay then this games for you, but then you'd be a bigger masochist than I..

Reason Rank
Start 10
Shitty dialogue delivery mixed with bad writing -5
Horses getting stuck on inclines -2
Crashing every hour or so -5
Well thought out and detailed map and towns




This game was bad, but not 100% terrible, there is hope that if Southpeak hires better vocalists, and coders, and better graphic artists for the NPC's, this game would be pretty nice. Sadly with all the crashing, poorly vocalized scenes and annoying head movements by PC/NPC's and the shitty horse riding this game is crippled under the weight of shittiness..